Becoming a Dad Who Cares

6/20/10 | Richard Van Dyke | Job 1:1, 4, 5 | Listen
Series: Hope For Your Home

There's a difference in our society between the way Mother's Day and Father's Day are perceived, promoted and celebrated.

1. Mother's Day: Sentimental, corsages, restaurants, and florists advertise big time; Father's Day: less sentimental, no flowers, men's clothing stores advertise.

2. There's an element of humor that surrounds Father's Day that is just simply not present at Mother's Day. The big question at this time of the year is:"What kind of tie are we going to get him?" A couple of years ago a local store even had a post-Father's Day "ugly tie" contest with special consideration for the ugliest!

3. Often there's even a difference between typical Mother's Day and Father's Day sermons.

a. Mother's Day: Directed toward mothers and non-mothers, we are urged to appreciate Mom, take her out to dinner; it’s an emotional time.

b. Father's Day: Directed towards fathers and subtly produces (reinforces) guilt for the inadequate job we all realize we're doing.

Some years ago, executives of a greeting-card company decided to do something special for Mother's Day. They set up a table in a federal prison, inviting any inmate who so desired to send a free card to his mom. The lines were so long, they had to make another trip to the factory to get more cards. Due to the success of the event, they decided to do the same thing on Father's Day, but this time no one came. Not one prisoner felt the need to send a card to his dad. Many had no idea who their fathers even were. What a sobering illustration of a dad's importance to his children.

Fathers, we are far from perfect; we're going to make mistakes; we're going to have bad days. We need to realize several things:

1. We will not be able to be everything we want to be to our families.

2. We are not going to be able to be everything our children need us to be.

3. But we can work at becoming dad's who care

What do we need to work on to become dads who care? I want to share six things this morning. Perhaps you're already doing some of these things; perhaps you're doing none of them. I suggest you take one or two that the Holy Spirit prompts you about and, with the Spirit’s help, determine to do better at them.

The first and perhaps most important thing you can do is to love your wife and your children unconditionally (Ephesians 5:25). Loving your children’s mother gives them the security that they need and the example they need for their own future. Loving your children as Jesus does allows you to enjoy them for who they are. (I John 4:7-10)

The second thing we need to do as dads is to spend time with them and listen to them (Proverbs 1:5; James 1:19). Spending time with them also means playing with them, even Barbie's, and laughing with them.

Gary Ezzo said, “I once asked my daughter Jennifer what she thought were the biggest problems fathers have with kids. She said "Dads have too many "tomorrows." You know, "I'll play with you tomorrow; I'll talk to you tomorrow." She was right. He went on to say, “Dad, don't wait until tomorrow-or you'll end up wasting too many todays.”

Joseph Stowell gives this illustration:

"I thoroughly enjoy working in my yard. I've got my own system of fertilizing my lawn, cutting it, and caring for it. One year, when my son Joe was in his early teens, I spent all spring getting the yard to look just the way I wanted. We had a basketball hoop at the end of our driveway, and on several occasions Joe came along and said, 'Dad, let's play basketball.' My response was always, 'Joe, not right now. I'm busy working in the yard.' Or, 'I've got to trim this edge here.' Or, 'I've got to do the fertilizing now.'

Later that summer, I visited a hospital on several successive nights to comfort a family whose boy-about Joe's age-was dying. One evening as I drove home, it struck me that I had a boy just like that, that it was a great gift from God to have a healthy young son, and that I had permitted things--a lawn--to eclipse the value of time with him. I drove down our street and saw my beautiful, green, wonderfully manicured lawn. I drove into the driveway, saw the basketball hoop, and thought, I don't care what I have to do tonight; one thing I'm going to do right now is play basketball with my son.

So I threw open the door and yelled, 'Hey, Joe! Let's play basketball! And he said, 'Not right now, Dad, I'm busy.' I was convicted and I wondered, “How could I ever have let things eclipse the importance of my son?”

When you think about the truth about people, beware the treachery of the seduction of things."

Third, pray for them and with them (I Samuel 1:10, 12, 27). What can we pray for? I suggest you use Paul's prayers found in Ephesians 1:17-19a; 3:14-19; Philippians 1:9-11; Colossians 1:9-14 as a start. Pray that God will put a hedge of protection around them as He did for Job (Job 1:9-11); pray that they might have a growing, loving relationship with the Lord, and pray that they would have the strength to stand against temptation and the schemes and lies of the devil.

Fourth, encourage them. Be their Barnabas or Moses (Acts 4:36; Deut 1:37-38; 3:28; 31:7). Just as Paul needed encouragement and Joshua needed encouragement, so our children need encouragement. Let me suggest a couple of ways you can do that.

1. Celebrate their achievements-no matter how large or small

2. Cultivate a sense of family identity; emphasize the character and reputation

of your family name.

3. Send notes-sign cards; these are usually things that moms do that mean

much more coming from dads.

Several years ago a teacher assigned to visit children in a large city hospital received a routine call requesting that she visit a particular child. She took the boy's name and room number and was told by the teacher on the other end of the line, "We're studying nouns and adverbs in his class now. I'd be grateful if you could help him with his homework so he doesn't fall behind the others". It wasn't until the visiting teacher got outside the boy's room that she realized it was located in the hospital's burn unit. No one had prepared her to find a young boy horribly burned and in great pain. She felt that she couldn't just turn and walk out, so she awkwardly stammered, "I'm the hospital teacher, and your teacher sent me to help you with nouns and adverbs." The next morning a nurse on the burn unit asked her, "What did you do to that boy?" Before she could finish a profusion of apologies, the nurse interrupted her: "You don't understand. We've been very worried about him, but ever since you were here yesterday, his whole attitude has changed. He's fighting back, responding to treatment--It's as though he's decided to live." The boy later explained that he had completely given up hope until he saw that teacher. It all changed when he came to a simple realization. With joyful tears he expressed it this way: "They wouldn't send a teacher to work on nouns and adverbs with a dying boy, would they?"

Fifth, discipline them when needed. (Hebrews 12:5-11). Remember that discipline = discipleship. Discipline involves training which corrects; it involves giving guidelines, setting boundaries and teaching principles. But dads, you can’t share principles you don’t know. That’s why we provide In The Master’s Steps discipleship classes for adults so that you can be prepared to be the disciple of your children. Discipline can also involve punishment and consequences when discipline is not heeded (Proverbs 23:13-14) but punishment is not the primary thought behind discipline.

Sixth, be a man of integrity (Proverbs 12:17; 14:5). Being an honest man involves several things:

1. Keep your promises

2. Hold to your convictions (Daniel 1:5-8)

3. Admit when you're wrong and ask for forgiveness

4. Be willing to cry-Jesus did

How can we sum all of these up? Let me share a brief story from Richard Halverson, a pastor who served as Chaplain in the United States Senate from 1981-1994:

“My small boy was playing with his buddies in the back yard. One day I overheard them talking. The conversation was, amusingly, one of those "I can whip your dad” routines. One boy proudly said, "My dad knows the mayor of our town! Another said, "That's nothing-my dad knows the governor of our state!"

Wondering what was coming next in the program of bragging, I heard my son say, "That's nothing-my dad knows God!" I swiftly slipped away from my place of eavesdropping with tears on my cheeks. I dropped to my knees in my room and prayed earnestly and gratefully, "Oh God, I pray that my boy will always be able to say, 'My dad knows God.'"

Do we as dads know God and live like Jesus? If we do then we'll love our wives and our children, spend time with them and listen to them, pray for them and with them, encourage them, disciple them, and be men of integrity. If we don’t know God, then that’s the place we must start. If know God but we’re not living like Jesus, we can start by becoming dads who care by making these six areas goals to be pursued in our lives.