Mentoring Women

10/24/04 | Brian Bill | Titus 2:3-5 |
Series: Fortifying Our Foundations

Three women were walking along the beach: a blonde, a redhead and a brunette. They found a genie’s lamp so they rubbed it and the genie came out. Since there were three of them the genie said that each of them would be granted one wish. The brunette said she wouldn’t mind being smarter, and poof, she became a redhead. The redhead wanted to be wise. Poof, she became a brunette. The blonde said, “I don’t mind not being too smart and I like having people wait on me and do things for me.” Poof, she became a man.

Last week we focused on the mandate for men and established that mature men must mentor moldable men; and moldable men must mimic mature men. Gentlemen of God, have you hooked up with another guy yet? Have you found your Paul, your Barnabas, and your Titus? This morning we’re going to study three verses from Titus 2 to discover the ministry job description for women. Having put up with four sinister sisters and now raising four delightful daughters, I’m not sure whether it’s easier being a guy or a girl, though the women in our house sure take good care of me.

We’re in the section of Titus that deals with the importance of making an impact in our relationships. Specifically, we see that men, women and citizens have unique opportunities and real responsibilities. Titus 2:3 links today’s topic with what we learned last week. Notice that Paul instructs Titus with the word, “Likewise…” He challenged men to step it up spiritually through redemptive relationships, so too, women must be moved to mentor other women. Just as Paul began with older men before focusing on the younger guys, here he starts with the older women.

At the age of 26, Pat Moore conducted a very interesting experiment. As an industrial designer, she wanted a better understanding of senior adults, so for three years she frequently disguised herself as an 85-year-old woman. She aged her face with professional makeup, donned a grey wig, and wore glasses that blurred her vision. She even wore braces that twisted her body and reduced her normal gait to a slow, weary shuffle. She visited 116 cities in her elderly persona, walking, riding buses, flagging cabs, and visiting parks.

Do you know what she discovered? She was impressed with the compassion and care she received from other seniors, but she was often treated harshly by those who were younger. In one city, she was mugged by a group of 13-year-olds and beaten so badly that she suffered permanent back damage and was left unable to bear children. I just finished reading her book called, “Disguised” and was shocked by her treatment and saddened by my own neglect of those who are older. She experienced first-hand what she terms, “social dismissal” of the elderly. Friends, this is not how it’s supposed to be. Interestingly, one of the things she learned while in character was that there was only one variable which was a reliable predictor of how the aging are treated. Do you know what it is? This is what she wrote, “Deeply religious people tend to be more caring and aware of the needs of older people” (Pat Moore, “Disguised,” 1984, page 64).

Older women have a wealth of wisdom to share with those who are younger. To those of you who are older saints, I apologize for how my generation has treated you. We don’t want to practice social dismissal; instead we applaud you for your spiritual discipleship! In fact, right now, I want all of us who are younger than 60 to put into practice the teaching of Leviticus 19:32: “Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD.” Let’s stand and show our respect by giving them a hand.

While our culture communicates that older women are washed up and have nothing to offer, Scripture teaches that God has a wonderful design for senior saints. In Titus 2, Paul challenges Titus to teach them…

1. A Pattern to Follow. In verse 3, older women are given a pattern to put into practice: “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.” According to how this idea is used in 1 Timothy 5:9, an older woman is someone who is older than 60. And yet, as we learned last week, the term “older” is relative, meaning simply someone who is “older” than someone else. Titus is to teach them to live out four things in their lives.

Older women are to be reverent in the “way they live,” or as the King James puts it, they are to have “behaviour as becometh holiness.” In the Old Testament, the priest went into the Holy Place to burn incense to the Lord and when he returned the fragrance was still on his clothes. Likewise, godly women emit a glow, or a fragrance of faithfulness. This phrase includes a reference to dressing decently. Worshiping women were to dress properly on the outside and be adorned with holiness within. 1 Peter 3:3-5 says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.”

Author Lois Mowday Rabey calls them, “Women of a generous spirit. These life-giving women fill up and give out in ways that nourish themselves and give life to others. They know God, believe Him, and live a faith-filled life” (“Women of a Generous Spirit,” Page 7).

Researcher Sybella Artz has found that since girls are more verbally skilled than boys, their aggression is often displayed through malicious gossip. She says that young girls will “begin to character assassinate by creating rumors and gossip” (Wiley Hall, Boston.com, 4/26/04). Older women are to resist the urge to slaughter someone with their words. Paul cautions widows to be careful in 1 Timothy 5:13: “Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.” Interestingly, according to Psalm 15:3, the one who dwells in the sanctuary of the Lord is the one who “has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman.” Are you throwing stuff between people? Since there is nothing more Satan-like than slander, I urge you to be careful with your words.

2. A Plan to Implement. Older women are to first follow the pattern of verse 3 and then implement the plan spelled out in the first part of verse 4: “Then they can train the younger women…” Simply put, the primary responsibility of older women is to train younger women. Interestingly, Titus, being a young man, is to teach the older women, but he is not responsible to train the younger ones – that’s the job of faithful females.

The phrase, “then,” is a purpose clause, meaning that as older women follow the pattern of godliness, they can then find fulfillment in the training of the younger. If you’re a woman and you’re wondering about your purpose in life, look no further. It’s right here. Your purpose is to pour yourself into someone who is younger. The word “train” has to do with helping someone become sober-minded, or in control of what they think and do. It’s the idea of bringing someone to their senses. To “train,” according to the dictionary, means to shape or develop the character of someone and is also used to grow a plant by bending, tying, and pruning. In addition, the word describes outfitting a ship for a long voyage. Older women have a strategic role in shaping, growing, encouraging and outfitting younger women for life’s journey.

3. Principles to Convey. Here’s the order. First, older women are to be consistently reverent, careful with their words, controlled in their behavior, and communicators of the good so that they can train the younger. Paul then gives six principles that older women are to convey in verses 4-5: “…to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands…”

Interestingly, in our culture, people fall in love and then get married. In the times of Titus, often marriages were arranged and then couples had to learn to love one another. The advantage of this approach is that love is based on commitment, not on feelings. Here’s the lesson: you can learn to love your husband! Too many people today get married because they have romantic feelings and when the feelings go away, they want to go away. I’ve said this before but I can’t think of a better definition of biblical love: love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.

One way to reinforce your husband’s significance is by following the example found in Proverbs 31. We don’t have time to study this chapter in-depth, but verse 12 provides a good summary of a godly wife’s desire for her husband: “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Do you think the best of your man by encouraging and building him up? Or, are you more like the woman in Proverbs 27:15: “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.”

It was testimony time at a church when a lady got up and said, “We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week.” When she sat down, her husband, who had been sitting glumly by her side, stood up and said, “It’s not all my fault; she’s not been easy to live with either.” We need wise wives who are in marathon marriages to stand up and say, “It’s not your love that sustains your commitment; it’s your commitment that sustains your love! And that commitment is demonstrated in service and sacrifice.”

As part of loving her mate, according to verse 5, a wife is to “be subject to her husband.” Paul was wise here to have the older women teach this instead of putting Titus in this position! This kind of teaching comes better from someone who knows how hard it is to do. The word “subject” means to “arrange,” or to “line up under.” Both husbands and wives are equal before God, but equal does not mean identical, nor does it mean interchangeable, and it certainly doesn’t imply inferiority.

John Stott has a helpful perspective: “…Within the equal value of the sexes, God has established a created order which includes a masculine ‘headship’; not of authority….but of responsibility and loving care” (“The Message of 1 Timothy and Titus,” page 189). For a fuller treatment on this theme, one should study Ephesians 5:22-33 to see that the wife is to willingly submit to the loving leadership of her husband. And actually, Ephesians 5:21 reminds us that both husband and wife are to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Pastor Bruce Stewart has said, “Where love and mutual respect rule the home there will be little problem with submission on the part of the wife…The husband is not a dictator, but he exercises his headship primarily by service. This is the same way that Jesus expressed his headship over the church.” Guys, if it’s difficult for your wife to submit, it may be because you’re slacking off in your love for her.

Moms, when you correct your children, it’s important to do so out of love. Proverbs 3:12: “Because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” If you delight in your kids, you will discipline them. Another famous proverb puts it this way: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Proverbs 6:23 helps us see the long-term effects: “The corrections of discipline are the way to life.” We don’t discipline for our sake, but for the well being of our children.

In other words, we’re really doing our kids a favor when we discipline them. Someone has said, “The parent who is afraid to put his foot down will have children who step on their toes.” Proverbs 29:17: “Discipline your son and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.” I love how the Living Bible translates 19:18: “Discipline your son in his early years while there is hope. If you don’t you will ruin his life.”

Preacher Rufus Jones often told a story from his childhood. One day, when he was 12 or 13, his mother went to town, leaving him behind on the farm with some chores. He fully intended to do the work, but instead he played ball with his buddies. When he saw his mother’s car pull into the driveway that evening, his heart sank. He knew he was in for one of the worst whippings of his life. His mother parked the car and came into the house. She looked him straight in the eye and took him upstairs into the bedroom, knelt down beside him, wrapped him in her arms, and, with tears streaming down her face, prayed one phrase over and over: “Lord, make a man out of him. Lord, make a man out of him.” Whenever Rufus Jones would tell that story his voice would grow quiet, and his eyes would tear up, as he remembered that special feeling of “standing in the weeping arms of love” (Quoted from Megginson, sermoncentral.com).

Let me say that while some argue that a woman shouldn’t work outside the home, the woman in Proverbs 31 spends a fair amount of time outside the home, buying and selling. But I will say this, whether you work at home, or outside the home, a married woman’s primary responsibility is to her home and family. Proverbs 7:11 provides a good corrective if you sense your heart turning away from your home. You don’t want to be referred to in this regard: “She is loud and defiant, her feet never stay at home.” In addition, a woman can use her home as headquarters for hospitality.

A Japanese proverb says, “One kind word can warm three winter months.” In her book called, “Apples of Gold,” the resources women will be using for our new mentoring ministry, Betty Huizenga describes kindness as a “willingness to go the extra mile.” 1 Thessalonians 5:15 tells us that we should “always try to be kind.” If you’re feeling low on the kindness quotient, the best way to learn how to lavish kindness on others is to meditate on a verse like Romans 2:4 in the New Living Translation: “Don’t you realize how kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Or don’t you care? Can’t you see how kind he has been in giving you time to turn from your sin?”

4. A Perspective to Keep. Women, it’s important to remember that people are watching how you live. When older women train the younger, the end of verse 5 says that “no one will malign the Word of God.” J.B. Philips says that women who live out these principles are “a good advertisement for the Christian faith.” As someone once said, “Show me your redeemed life and I might be inclined to believe in your Redeemer.”

Action Steps

1. Take advantage of women’s opportunities. There are a lot of ways that you can get involved in ministry to women at PBC. Let me introduce the Women’s Ministry Team to you: Joann Schappaugh, Vera Wahls, Susan Russell, Beth Bill, Karen Robson, Kelly Fogarty and Tina Soule. Tina is the coordinator and leader of this flourishing ministry.

The Service Coordinator is Joann Schappaugh. JoAnn oversees a number of other coordinators.

Here are some other ministry opportunities.

2. Volunteer at the Caring Pregnancy Center. In my research for this message, I discovered that Christian widows were known for rescuing babies. Unwanted babies would be left in the marketplace and older Christian women would comb these public places, scoop up the babies and place them in Christian homes. God can use you to save children and provide hope to young women at the CPC.

3. Look for practical ways to train the younger. Perhaps the Lord is asking you to consider the step of adopting a child, or to begin praying for orphan children around the world. By participating in Operation Christmas Child and Project Angel Tree you can impact young lives in unforgettable ways.

4. Take the mentoring challenge. Start with your daughters or granddaughters, or your nieces. By the way, this passage isn’t limited to women over 60 teaching women under 40. It also includes those in their 30s training those who just got married. And, women in their 20s can be good role models for those in their teens through the Student Ministry. And godly teenagers can train young girls in Promiseland or AWANA. Those with younger sisters should be looking for ways to provide meaningful mentoring to their siblings. I want to encourage every woman here to get into a mentoring relationship with another woman. If you’re older, seek out someone who is younger. If you’re younger, find an older person. A new mentoring ministry called, “Apples of Gold” will hold a pilot program in February. Stop by the table in the hallway for more information.

Closing Interview