Starting a New Branch

6/13/10 | Jeff Williams | Ezekiel 18 | Listen
Series: Hope For Your Home

A Painful Assignment

One of my first assignments in seminary was a genogram, which is basically a family tree on steroids. I had to investigate both my family and Maxine’s family back three generations and then write a report on the relationship structures from a family systems perspective.

This turned out to be a difficult assignment for two reasons. First, I couldn’t type! Several of my friend’s wives were typing their papers. Maxine was working three jobs to put me through school and said with a big smile, “I guess you are going to learn to type.” I hunted and pecked my way through the report, which ended up being sixty-five pages long!

The second reason was more serious. I sent out questionnaires to all of our relatives. Some didn’t send them back. Others refused to participate. My uncle died the day his questionnaire arrived at his house.

As I started doing the actually diagramming and analysis, I discovered that much of my family tree is a mess. Divorce, adultery, drugs, arrests, alcoholism, abuse of all kinds, and relationship breakdowns were common in my report. The analysis, at times, was emotionally overwhelming.

There was a bright spot though near the end of my work. My father went an entirely different path than his brothers. He went to college, the first in his family, and went on to become a civil engineer. He moved to the big city, Memphis, and married my mother. They raised two boys with morals and values that were foreign to my cousins and very different than how they had been raised.

My Dad’s told me many times, “Son, sometimes you’ve got to start a new branch.”

And if you look at that piece of the tree, you will indeed see a new branch. My brother and I are both pastors, much to our parent’s surprise and we are trying to raise our children with the idea that the greatest adventure of all is following Jesus.

My cousins are an entirely different, sad story. And it’s all because of a decision to

Start a new branch.

A Bigger Story

Once you start this new branch, does that mean you will be the perfect family? No, but being perfect is overrated.

Reggie Joiner has said that many churches inadvertently teach that God is trying to paint a “Rockwellian” picture of a family. The mom and dad are smiling, dinner is on the table, and the children are sitting quietly ready to say grace. The problem with that picture is that it isn’t rooted in reality. Look at the families in the Bible. Most of them put the fun into the word dysfunctional!

A lot of families look more like this…

[Video clip from “The Incredibles”]

Joiner goes on to say that God is not so much interested in making a perfect picture. If we paint this picture, most parents will be discouraged because they fall so short.

God is much more interested in telling a bigger story, through your family, through the brokenness, chaos, and pain. He wants to tell the story of His redemptive grace through single moms. God wants to tell the story of His crazy, irrational, illogical love through divorced dads. He even wants to tell the story through families who put up force fields at the dinner table!

God wants to help you make a brand new branch on your family tree. A branch that is pointed a little different direction than the rest.

So, how does that happen? Let’s see if we can uncover some principles from the Bible.

Turn with me to the book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel is a very strange book and has some fascinating images and stories. Let’s look at chapter eighteen together.

Ezekiel ministered during the time the Israelites were living in exile in Babylon. They were a long way from home, living in a foreign land, with little hope.

A Proverb of Blame

An attitude of fatalism had set in and, although they recognized they were in exile because of their national sin and rebellion against God, they didn’t see that they were just as individually guilty as their forefathers.

They even had a proverb that became common to describe their feelings. In fact, it was so common that both Jeremiah, back in Jerusalem (Jer 31:29-30), and Ezekiel comment on it.

Let’s look at verses one and two:

“The word of the Lord came to me: ‘What do you people mean by quoting the proverb about the land of Israel:

‘The fathers eat sour grapes.

And the children’s teeth are set on edge?’” (Ezekiel 18:1-2)

My boys love sour tarts. I don’t get that at all. If you are going to eat candy, wouldn’t you want something sweet? Why would you want something that will make you pucker up and make weird faces?

The proverb says that the fathers eat the sour grapes but it is the children whose faces are puckered. In other words they are asking, “Why are we being punished for our parent’s rebellion?” The proverb shows their attitude toward God.

At the heart of this proverb is an accusation – God is not just or fair. God is unfair for punishing them for their family tree’s sins. And since God is acting unjustly anyway, there’s nothing to be done. They are blaming God for their current misery.

The exiled community in Babylon was sinking into despair and felt that there was no point in even trying to follow God.

They were playing the blame game. It wasn’t their fault. They were just a product of a messy family tree.

God’s response is strong and to the point.

“As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, you will no longer quote this proverb in Israel. For every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son – both alike belong to me. The soul who sins is the one who will die.’” (Ezekiel 18:3-4).

God rebukes the Israelite’s complaining and says that this proverb is being retired permanently. In God’s eyes, each human being is responsible for their own sin. We can blame the past, our environment, our genetics, or our circumstances, but, in the end, we are still responsible before God for our own actions.

[West Side Story – Officer Krumpke]

The natural consequences of sin are that our sin traits are passed on to our children. While it’s true that the generations below us will be effected by our sin choices, God still holds each of us responsible for our own moral choices.

And to make his point, Ezekiel draws a Biblical genogram.

A Biblical Genogram

Ezekiel then introduces us to three men – a righteous grandfather, a rotten father, and son with a choice to make.

Let’s meet the grandpa.

"Suppose there is a righteous man who does what is just and right. He does not eat at the mountain shrines or look to the idols of the house of Israel. He does not defile his neighbor's wife or lie with a woman during her period. He does not oppress anyone, but returns what he took in pledge for a loan. He does not commit robbery but gives his food to the hungry and provides clothing for the naked. He does not lend at usury or take excessive interest. He withholds his hand from doing wrong  and judges fairly between man and man. He follows my decrees and faithfully keeps my laws.  That man is righteous; he will surely live, declares the Sovereign LORD.” (Ezekiel 18:5-9)

This man has made a decision to honor God in every area of his life. He does not eat at the mountain shrines. He hasn’t given into the idolatry that is so prevalent in the exile community. He is strong in his commitment to sexual purity. He is honest in his business and financial dealings. He is deeply involved in ministry to the poor, and even serves as a mediator between parties in conflict. Even in a foreign land, far away from the land of Promise, he “still follows God’s decrees and faithfully keeps my laws.”

God calls this guy “righteous.” By his actions he proves that God has worked in his heart.

This was a good man who understood that honoring God with his life would make a difference in others lives as well.

I was saddened this week by the death of Dana Key. He was half of the Contemporary Christian Group, “Degarmo and Key.” They were the first Christian concert I ever attended and I was deeply impacted by their passion for good music and a great God.

As I read through the tributes that have been posted, I was struck by what people were saying. Many people talked about the effect his music had on them. Many more talked about what a faithful husband, loving father, and incredible pastor he was.

Eddie DeGarmo said this about his friend and musical partner:

"Dana was extremely talented for sure, but he was much more than that. He was absolutely passionately in love with Christ, his wife Anita and their three children. "He lived his life fully dedicated to building God's kingdom with every breath he took.”

As Ezekiel continued his story, this man had a son who grew up watching his dad be honest with the sellers at market. He probably helped his dad carry the food baskets to the poor. He watched his dad cherish and honor his mother. And he heard his father tell the stories of God’s faithfulness to their family.

You would think this son would naturally follow in his father’s footsteps. But, much to his father’s horror, the son rejects all that he had been taught.

The Lost Boy

Look at verse 10:

"Suppose he has a violent son, who sheds blood or does any of these other things (though the father has done none of them):  "He eats at the mountain shrines. He defiles his neighbor's wife. He oppresses the poor and needy.  He commits robbery. He does not return what he took in pledge. He looks to the idols.  He does detestable things. He lends at usury and takes excessive interest. Will such a man live? He will not! Because he has done all these detestable things, he will surely be put to death and his blood will be on his own head.” (Ezekiel 18:10-13)

The term, “violent son” literally means a “breaker up of houses.” He chows down at the mountain shrines. He’s a rapist, a liar, a thief, a cheat and a murderer. The very people who his father ministered to, he oppresses. Ezekiel then makes a blanket statement about his character, “He does detestable things.”

How his parent’s hearts must have broken as they watched their boy live in direct contradiction to how they raised him.

God’s heart breaks too as he says through Ezekiel that he will surely be put to death and his blood, the blood he has spilled, will be on his own head.

Let me echo something Pastor Brian and Pastor Dick have both said in this series. We as parents can not control or determine the behavior of our children. They have their own minds, hearts, and souls. They make their own decisions and ultimately walk their own paths. God is saying loud and clear that this father is not responsible for his son’s sins.

Maybe you are thinking that you really messed up as a parent and you see them repeating some of the same mistakes that you have made. Make a call, write a letter or email, or do a lunch with them and ask their forgiveness.

But in the end, they are responsible before God for their moral actions. As our pastor in Mississippi used to say, “Once you are not in control, you are no longer responsible.”

Katie Hudson was raised in a home where both parents had very colorful pasts. Her mother dated Jimi Hendrix and her father dropped acid with Timothy Leary. But both of them surrendered their lives to Jesus Christ and became evangelists. The family would sing together and it quickly became apparent that Katie was very gifted. At the age of fourteen, she recorded her first Christian CD. It looked as though Katie would be following in her parent’s footsteps and serving in ministry with her musical gifts.

But Katie made a choice. First, she changed her name to her mother’s maiden name to keep people from getting confused with the movie star, Kate Hudson. Second, she moved away from the Contemporary music scene altogether. With the help of a secular producer from Los Angeles, Katie’s music became more pop with an edge to it.

You know her as Katie Perry whose hit, “I kissed a girl (and I liked it),” propelled her to stardom last year.

Her parents have been quoted as being “disgusted” by this song and frustrated with her musical direction. Katie said that her parents were misquoted but I think it’s safe to say that they are grieved that she has chosen fame over faith.

I love what Anne Frank wrote in her dairy:

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.”

A Grandson’s Choice

Ezekiel then continues the story by telling his listeners that this rotten dad had son. This son grew up with a man who was probably despised by all the community. He watched him laugh as he cheated, lied, and stole from people. He heard the whispers about his father and other women. He saw his father bow down to the idols of Babylon.

In fact, the Scripture says the son “sees all the sin his father commits, and though he sees them, he doesn’t do such things…”

Our children are watching us all the time and sometimes our behavior shouts louder than or words.

I’ll never forget standing outside my office in Mississippi with a fourteen year old girl and her mother. They had just finished a pretty intense counseling sessions and they were leaving. The mother, still pretty worked up, spun around and pointed her freshly lit cigarette at both of us and yelled, “And another thing – I’m sick of this girl smoking!”

I looked at the girl and then did something that was extremely therapeutically inappropriate. I exploded into laughter. It was so ridiculous.

After they left, I wasn’t laughing because I was so convicted that I didn’t want to raise my boys to “do as I say, not as I do.”

The son sees it all. He sees his father’s destructive behavior and his grandfather’s impeccable character. And, it occurs to him, that he has a choice to make. He can continue the chaos or he can make a new branch. Repeating his father’s mistakes is not his destiny.

Recently, a friend of mine told me that her church hosted Mosab Hassen Yosef. This young man grew up as the son of the head of terrorist organization Hamas. He was the head of the Islamic Youth Movement. He was jailed by the Israelis and, after seeing and hearing the atrocities of Hamas, he did something completely incredible. He denounced Hamas and then announced he had accepted Jesus as Messiah!

Teri said that he spoke passionately about his faith. She also said that he wore a bulletproof vest in the pulpit because there is a price on his head. He still loves his family but he just couldn’t continue down the same path as his father.

The son of the rotten father made a choice to walk in the ways of his grandfather. He was starting a new branch.

A Divine Decision

Perhaps you are thinking to yourself, “my family tree would make yours blush!” We all have dysfunction in our families and we all have family secrets that we wish we didn’t know.

But here’s something I want you to hear this morning – you do not have to continue the dysfunction! You are not destined to become “just like your dad.” You have the ability to make a decision, like my dad did, to start a new branch.

But here’s a secret, without the supernatural empowerment of God, making this decision is nearly impossible.

One of my professors used to say, “Insight and a quarter will be you a cup of coffee.” In other words, just understanding that you need to make a change doesn’t necessarily lead to change. There has to be a decision, a radical decision, to do things that are not normal and natural to you. You have to unlearn a lot of negative things and learn new ways of relating.

A new father learns how to discipline through love instead of through anger and abuse. A couple learns how to be faithful after seeing so much unfaithfulness growing up. A college student doesn’t drink at all because she’s seen how it has destroyed her family. A young man decides he’s going to be an honest man after watching his father lie and cheat all his life.

All this is possible. In fact, all things are possible, through the intervention of the miracle-working God we serve.

You don’t have to put your family down. You just don’t have to go down their path any longer. It doesn’t matter how old you are, you can always start a new branch.

So how do you start a new branch?

Starting a New Branch 101

· Make a decision to completely surrender to Jesus.

Talk about Someone with a really messed up family tree! In the family tree of Jesus, there are liars, rapists, prostitutes, murderers, cheaters, and kings who lead Israel down the path of spiritual destruction.

There’s something I didn’t tell you about the new branch on my family tree. It was really started by Shorty, my grandfather.

My father’s decisions were effected by my grandfather’s decision to surrender his life to Christ when my dad was thirteen years old. The older siblings had grown up with a hard drinking, hard living father. My father grew up with a gentle man who became a deacon in the church and everyone respected. This decision still resonates three generations later as my children inherit this legacy of faith.

But you maybe thinking today, I’m just too bad. I’ve gone too far. Listen to God’s promise through Ezekiel:

"But if a wicked man turns away from all the sins he has committed and keeps all my decrees and does what is just and right, he will surely live; he will not die. None of the offenses he has committed will be remembered against him. Because of the righteous things he has done, he will live. Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?” (Ezekiel 18:21-23)

Now, remember, we are not saved by our works. But our works show that we are saved. It doesn’t matter what kind of family you come from, what you have done in your past, or even last night. God is reaching out to you. He loves you. The Holy Spirit wants to work from the inside out to change you into the person God wants you to be. God is in the transformation process.

Paul said to the believers in Corinth:

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone; the new has come.” (2 Cor 5:17)

Peter writes

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)

Hebrews 9:27 tells us that we all have an appointment with death and then judgment.

God is not going to ask you about your father’s faith or your mother’s beliefs. He will not ask you if your grandfather went to church. You will have to stand before Him and answer for only one person – you.

No excuses about your “bringing-upkee” will do. The soul who sins shall die.

God is calling you to turn – that’s what repentance really means, “to change the direction you are headed.”

How do you do this?

You can become a Christian right now by simply acknowledging you are a

* sinner, that you have missed the mark and can not measure up to the perfection God demands. (See Romans 3:23)

* Then place your full faith and trust in Jesus who died on the cross, the pay the penalty for your sins, so that you could be in heaven forever. (see Romans 6:23;10:9)

* Then surrender your life to Him and say the most dangerous prayer ever, “I’m Yours! (see John 1:12)

· Start basing your decisions and the way you live on the Word of God

This past week, I received a call from a man living in Ohio. He and his wife were brand new Christians and had found our church on the web. He wanted to talk to me about what the Bible says about raising children. He was so excited to find out what Scripture says and was absolutely committed to doing whatever God showed him.

Recently, I was talking to a friend who is starting a new branch. They gave me permission to share some her story with you.

I personally feel like I'm changing the course of my family. The cycles of craziness and living without God stop with us. We are done with that. The new branch starts with our personal relationships with Christ. From there, we have to re-think everything we ever learned or thought was "normal" We have to re-think every family tradition and every family habit and every family value that has been ingrained in us since birth to see how it lines up with the Word of God.

These two friends are trying to live out Joshua’s declaration:

“…as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)

God’s Word is living and active. Read the Bible every day and ask God to help you see what He wants you to do then…

Do it!

Paul wrote to Timothy :

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. “ (2 Timothy 3:16, NLT)

· Understand and deal with your family of origin issues.

During the first year of our marriage, Maxine and I started having arguments over the silliest things. It got so bad, we even questioned whether we had made a mistake in getting married. Because of her feelings about divorce, Maxine started praying I would get hit by a bus. That way she could get lots of sympathy and then move on without me.

In desperation, I called a therapist friend and he agreed to see us. He asked us what was one of our common fights and we both agreed we would tackle the “going out to eat” fight.

You see, when we got married, I wanted a home cooked meal on our table. Maxine wanted me to take her out to eat. This became a serious problem.

The counselor asked me to describe what “going out to eat” meant to my family growing up. I told him that it seemed like we ate out all the time and I remember getting sick of Kentucky Fried Chicken. He nodded his head as I talked.

He then asked Maxine the same question. Her voice got quiet and she said that being raised with a single mom with very little money meant that even fast food was a rarity. The only times she ever got to go out to a nice sit down restaurant is when someone else was picking up the bill.

She said that going out to eat made her feel special and loved. Mark nodded as she talked.

He reminded me that my job was to love Maxine “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25)

He then turned to me and said that he had a homework assignment for us. What do you think he said? “Take her to dinner, you doofus!”

It wasn’t hard to do after I had heard what going out to dinner meant to her.

We now laugh at that episode but we’ve known couples that have divorced over similar silly issues. We have been in marriage counseling twice, (did your pastor really just admit that?!) and would do it again with hesitation or shame. Sometimes you need an objective perspective to help you see past your own issues.

Some of you need to get over your pride and ask for help. Satan wants to destroy marriages and we need to stop fighting with each other and fight for the relationship with every weapon God’s gives us.

Remember that the Holy Spirit is called the “Counselor” (John 14:16). God can help you deal with your past hurts and pain. He is “close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

If you need a Christian counselor, we can help point you in the right direction.

· See your church family as a resource for help

Recent research from the Barna group indicates that most families do not view the church as a resource for help, especially when dealing with times of family crisis.

We want to be the kind of church that is a resource for your family.

The church and the family are the two institutions that God has ordained to help children understand His amazingly love.

Starting a new branch is not easy. And Satan sure doesn’t want you to change the direction of your family. But with the help of fellow Christians it can be done.

Milt Hanson grew up in total chaos. He has shared his testimony with the students before and it always leaves me speechless. As a counselor, I can tell you that Milt should not be a functional adult. By all probabilities, he should have followed in his family’s footsteps. But, instead, Milt’s life is characterized by faithfulness to his family and to His God.

Very early on in their salvation, Milt and Michelle made a commitment to read the Bible and do what it says. They had seen how living life without God worked and they wanted to give God a chance to change their family. They listened to Focus on the Family and devoured books. They studied their Bibles and looked for ways to raise their children differently.

I asked Milt what he thought made the changes stick. He answered

“….being around other Christians was a source of encouragement as we learned what it meant to walk with Christ. We got involved in a Bible study/small group and we started to grow in faith. The chaos that was part of our lives was be replaced by a new love and joy we found in Christ. Our lives have never been the same.”

I know many people at PBC that are first generation Christians. You have looked hard at your family tree and have decided to make a new branch. I applaud you.

Start a New Branch Today

We are going to end today with a video of a song from the group 33 miles called, “One Life to Love.” We have been reminded this week that we are not promised eighty years. As I said in a sermon some time ago, each of us has an expiration date we he don’t know when it is. It could be in fifty years or in fifty minutes.

As you watch this, make a decision to do whatever it takes to make your one and only life count, for right now, and a hundred years from now.

One Life to Love

33 Miles

He never thought he cared so much about the minute hand

Until he started praying for, a second chance

If he could only do it all again

He'd trade the long nights that he spent behind his desk

For all he missed

He tells his wife "I wish that this moment in this room was not me dying, but just spending a little time with you."

You only get just one time around

You only get one shot at this

One chance, to find out

The one thing that you don't wanna miss

One day when it's all said and done

I hope you see that it was enough, this

One ride, one try, one life...

To love....

She never thought she cared so much about those little hands

That held on tight the day she left

Til she was scared to death

Sitting all alone on a hotel bed, the end of the road

The sun had set on her big plans

Find More lyrics at http://www.sweetslyrics.com

To feel young again

She picks up the phone, dials the number, hears that little voice

That's haunted every single mile, since she made that choice